The Ballad of Washroom Cleanliness

By Ho Yi Jian

Edited by Priyanka V

Published 10 Nov 2006
Web Exclusive

 

O’ gather round to hear a saddening tale,
O’ listen ye well and learn as ye might;
Take lessons to heart if ye are a male.

For once a boy lived in B-Four,
A young freshman with bright shining eyes,
On a trip to the johns and what he saw,
A chocolate streak on the toilet floor.

A chocolate streak on the washroom floor!
Whose backside too early took flight?
An ugly smell, an ugly sight;
Three days to bear since Friday night.

To level D-four thus he moved away far,
far away for relieving trauma and pain,
While at rest he suddenly found another–
Somebody redid it in the showering drain.

Who took a dump in the shower drain?
Whose ass seems to contain his brains?
Toilet and shower are different, so plain.
On a friday night, three days to wait.

Three days to wait for the cleaner to clean,
And the log was singing “Life is but a dream,”
Floating on the drain, every stall it has seen,
Until it jammed on the drain cover plate.

The shower alone did not suffer such fate,
A poor bowl was choking on piles of paper,
With marks of brown, layer on layer of white paper,
It’s as though a log was hiding under the covers.

How could we flush if there was so much mush?
Even if we tried the water would gush,
To flood the washroom with its stuff,
Its high time to say enough is enough!

A travesty, a tragedy, some really bad luck,
Together we suffer ’cause some idiot that sucks,
His mother taught not how to aim,
For where we get clean is now full of muck.

O listen ye well and learn as ye think;
Now you have learnt from a saddening thing.

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